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I had a really good meeting with my therapist on Wednesday; we ended going over time a little bit.  She told me that I've been essentially taught to never value myself, and that's why I never really talk to other people when they do things that bother me, because I don't see it as "important."  She feels that this is possibly the root of where a lot of my depression comes from is that most people have been exceptionally condescending toward me, or never attempted to treat me like I mattered.

I had never thought of it that way, but she was completely right.  And I don't know how to correct it, because I honestly feel like it probably doesn't really matter.  When I'm bothered by something, I feel like if I try to talk to anyone about it, that I'm being selfish or I'm not thinking about their feelings or needs.  If I state that I'm bothered by something, I'm always wrong.  That's what it's been like in the past, and in some areas it still persists that way, and I don't know what to do about it.

It's caused me to not want to pursue hobbies anymore at this point.  What's the point in coding something, when nobody's going to even like it and I probably wouldn't be able to do it anyway?  What's the point in showing up to class when I'm probably only going to fail anyway?  What's the point in trying to fix anything when it's only going to become broken again?  What's the point in drawing or doing anything artistic - expressing myself - when there's no receptors for it and I'll only be metaphorically shouting into an empty room?